Summer...day 12...

ahh....

I once again realized that I'm wasting my time and my life by doing nothing...

ah...I am wasting my life...

Everyone around me seems so happy, they have a life, they do something...

I guess I am jealous, and I hate that...

but somehow...I got used to living like this...living in the dark, living all alone...

I love it when people are near me, when we have fun and talk, I love it when I have close friends with me...

but...I do hate it when they drift apart...when we stop talking...when the string of fate fades away...

It's useless, to try and tie that string again, it's useless...Because I would get hurt more and more...

I hate my lies, always saying 'its ok...' always smiling, always trying to look normal and act happy, while deep inside me Im just a lonely girl, scared of people and love, scared of getting hurt again and again...

I'm such a crybaby...always crying

always dreaming, dreaming...but knowing that if I keep dreaming I will get hurt more and more by this harsh reality...

I feel lonely...

as if no one ever care about me...

what is love?

what is friendship?

I don't even know why I always keep trying...

knowing that sooner or later I'll get hurt...

nothing will change if I move to one place or another

nothing will change if I graduate...

Ill still be the same

living in the same place

dreaming the same dreams

wishing the same wish over and over again...

I guess...for once...I got tired of trying

tired of smiling

tired of living...

I

just want to dream...

an eternal dream...

nothing has changed, right?

the only thing I'm sure of...

is that I'm afraid...

afraid of the future

that's why I avoid thinking of it...

I am...wasting my life

wasting every single second of this life...

how does it feel?

to have a life?

to be happy?

to have someone by your side?

I hate summer...